flowers for my brain

it's so bad that i don't know if it can get better, & if it can, the journey must be worse than death, so here i am, floating, alive, today
i'm so awful, why do you put up with me? i think this, maybe, probably, 25 times an hour. it is part of my life at this point.

my brain chooses to expend energy on self hatred, leaving scraps of memory for sentences i want to say to others in full, but i forget well before all the words are said. the harder i reach for them, the less i remember what i was talking about.

i do not feel i am being overdramatic at this point when i compare the way my brain is treating me to a flowers for algernon-esque scenario. i am getting stupider by the day.

perhaps not stupider, but certainly with reduced brain function. my short term memory is almost gone. i do not feel i have very much to hold on for. i used to be very intelligent - well above average.

now i can barely cope with a blog post